Victor Vodka...

I sometimes wonder what people are thinking when they begin to drink. Yes, I have had wine, and rum for that matter, (I was legal for the second and the first time was an accident). However, I had 1 glass of wine and stopped (and will never do it again). But what I wonder is what goes on in the minds of those who continue. I understand that sometimes you need to escape. Fine. I'm not here to judge. But honestly, how drunk do you need to get before you say to yourself, "Hey, a bus! That looks like it could be fun!" By that point your brain can no longer hear the bells that signal "danger" and common sense has flown out the window! This is the curious case of Victor Vodka. Victor Vodka needed an escape, however, he got lost in a Bermuda Triangle of sorts. You see the bus, especially the 71, is the one place where you must absolutely keep your wits about you.
I'm sure when Victor decided to board the 71 completely inebriated, he thought he was doing a good thing. He was protecting the streets from one more reckless driver, he was protecting himself from any dangers of walking, and he was protecting his wallet from having to hail a cab. However, he forgot to protect himself from the dangers of 16 year old girls with babies! I kid you not. I witnessed this sweet young girl in the pharmacy as she picked up her child's prescription. I remember feeling sorry for her. She was clearly no more than 16 and had one of the smallest frames I have ever seen. I then waited at the bus with her. We rode peacefully until they signalled their stop. As her sister vacated the bus Victor thought it would be fun to lay his hand on her child. She promptly responded by knocking him upside his head! FOUR TIMES, all the while shouting keep your d*** drunk hands off of my kid, and the like! Then, because all of this was not signaling harm in any way he thought it would be smart to grab her phone. This sent her into a whipping frenzy and had her waylaying him up both side of his head! The girl's sister had to step in and the bus driver told him to keep his d*** hands to himself! They got off and another woman got on the bus with her kid. Victor, never being one for learning a lesson the first time decided to touch this woman's kid. She on the other hand was the more sensitive loving type! She smiled, "She's cute isn't she?" Victor, glad to see a kind response replied, "She certainly is!" She kinda chuckled and said, "Yeah, she goes through so many diapers everyday!" Then she looked him dead in the eye and said, "And if you don't take your d*** hands off her I'll see to it that you go through more diapers than she does!", took her Baby Phat purse and pummeled him upside his head! This set off the bus driver who told him to take his seemingly sloshed self to the back of the bus before she kicked his tanked tucous off her bus! By the time I got off at Linwood and Prospect, *mind you this should only be a 15 minute ride*, he had been threatened by three more guys. I honestly don't feel bad for Victor. He did it to himself. Afterall, it was his decision to get completely plastered. And when delirium tremens set in, and I can assure you it did, he realized what a ghastly mistake he made by making vodka his choice of extrication. Because you see, he now looks like a banana after it's been dropped, kicked and left out in the sun. But mainly because he has absolutely no idea how he got that way! Perhaps next time Victor should stick with a beer. :)

My past adventures....

February 4th.
As many of you know this is my birthday. It actually turned out to be a pretty craptacular day! Good thing I had an fantabulous birthday party on Saturday to make up for it! First of all let me explain that I am in no way a racist. In fact, I'm probably the person farthest from this title. However, in order for everyone to understand what I face everyday on my bus trips, I must sometimes point out whether a rider is white or black. It also helps because I adore when people both prove and disprove the typical (and often very true) stereotypes. So, please do not be offended when I state colors, because it will probably happen often. Secondly, it is very important because I go from being a majority to a MAJOR minority being the only white girl on the bus! In fact I have had countless people tell me I'm crazy for working where I work and even more crazy for my mode of transportation. With that taken care of, I will feel free to continue with my blogs and you may feel free if you are offended to stop reading. :)
So, my birthday, I met a very delectable piece of chocolate! Why was he so delectable? Because he completely broke the stereotype that I am so used to seeing! His pants fit him (very well I might add! :p) and he was just all around very nice to look at. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. As I explained earlier I become the minority when I step onto the prospect bus (71). So, I was sitting there, minding my own business and listening to my music when I start to hear yelling. Sure enough I turn just enough and mute my music to find out what's going on. This crap stirrer across from me was running his mouth (i can only assume he was drunk) and was loud enough that i could hear some of it over my music anyway. So apparently all his yammering pissed off this rather broad (broad not meaning fat here, just broad) black man in the back of the bus. He began threatening him with language which my higher intelligence prohibits me from repeating. He was threatening to pop him! And I would have been right in the line of fire. Luckily the guy got off the bus. Then the annoying guy started trying to talk to me! I ignored him and quite literally turned my body on the seat so no one else could sit down and continued to stare out the window. (By the way this is very fun because in the dark you look super pretty no matter how bad you look! Yeah, I'm a little vain!) A guy in the back and one in the middle winked at me. I'm used to being hit on constantly, so it didn't really faze me. He finally got off the bus and I looked towards the back of the bus (another habit because I get bored easily) and the pretty decent looking guy in the very back smiled and actually waved at me! It was all I could do not laugh as I did my "Sup" impression! Then I decided because I was a tad creeped out to stand by the bus driver. (Just so you know, I am probably one of the only people I know who can stand an entire bus ride without needing to hold anything and yet trip over air! How I can keep my balance so well I'm not really sure.) So the bus driver asked me, "So honey, you wanna be a bus driver?" Lol. My response was "Thank-you, but not until Cerberus can take a sleigh ride and make a snow angel"! For those of you who don't get that, it was my way of saying "When H-E-L-L freezes over!" there's more...but I'm exhausted so...until next time...

February 18, 2010

I decided to start with today because it's the freshest in my mind. I decided to start taking the 28 to the 31 because it's faster than the 47. First, apparently i'm a moron because I swear i thought the bus came at 9:19 which it came at 9:39. Not really sure how I got that. But, oh well. So I hopped on the 28 (which for those of you who don't know is the Blue Ridge bus). I sit down behind this guy and turn my music on full blast. He said good morning and I replied back making sure to stick my headphones back in. Everything was going fine. I absolutely adore my music and was completely lost in my fantasies. (Yes, my music often induces ballroom fantasies with South Carolina. *If you don't know who South Carolina is feel free to ask me*.) Anyway...I saw him turn around out of the corner of my eye but am very good at ignoring people. Over my music I heard him ask what I thought was "you wanna beer?" Very odd question but ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I quite frequently hear things that are completely not even close to what they are supposed to be. So...I turn back to my fantasies but he proceeds to tap me on the shoulder. I take out my headphone and turn to look at him. He repeats his question which funny enough I heard correctly. Not only was I correct but he was actually offering me one in his hand. This would be completely inappropriate and slightly awkward if only there had been an actual beer in his clearly empty outstretched hand!!!!!! But HE was convinced there was one!!!! I smiled and said, "oh, no thank-you" and put my music back in my ear! He thankfully exited the bus at the next stop. The 31 was relatively uneventful. More to come, (i'll post my prior adventures soon, but for now I have to go to class. :) until next time....